So we had our Friends & Family Event on Saturday the 10th and our Grand Opening on Saturday the 17th. Both were awesome and we are so thankful to our friends, family and community for their suport! Our dear friend Hawkins Wright jammed for over 2 hours and everyone was super into it! We were at capacity for a few hours and had some recommendations for extra tables and standing bar areas, which we are looking into! Here are some pics from the events:

Since the Grand Opening, it’s been a bit slow. I had been so head down in process/operations and getting the space ready, I hadn’t had a chance to do much marketing besides the initial advertising for the opening!

After kicking myself about the lack of marketing, I reminded myself that this had always been the plan — get our sea legs first and then start rocking the boat!!

We definitely have our sea legs now. I had amazing help from my step-sis Natalie and her wife MaryEllen, who have deep experience in restaurant management. They came in and whipped us right into shape! We still need to follow up on some of their suggestions, but hey, that’s what Sunday’s for!

So now that I feel good about operations, we’re starting to put the word out. I sent press releases to 15 local publications and a columnist from the NW Examiner came in last night and is doing a little piece about us! We had a costume model here while she was visiting and while we didn’t have many customers, I think she caught on to the cool vibe!!

I’ve also been targeting the local ad agencies with fliers, and a bunch of different organizations from PAF to Legacy Hospital. We’re doing some trade with the Portland Maps people across the street and will be “getting on the map” with them soon!

Today I printed 1000 two-sided cards about our lunch and happy hour specials, to get the local industrial businesses in the door for the food/drink!!

The food and drink is good… Did I mention??

The columnist from the NW Examiner told her chum, a local artist named Brooke Mackenzie about the place and she came in today with her little daughter Violet. She’s looking to turn some of her students onto The Canvas — what a great gal she is!

Scott from Taow Marketing has also been forthcoming with the ideas for the business. Well, everyone has really. EVERYONE HAS AN OPINION! And would you guess what the most important thing is about everyone’s opinions? LISTENING TO THEM!! People think they’re bugging me, but it’s really essential to listen to these new ideas. Ideas are what we’re all about and I am so thankful for everyone’s support!

Like I mentioned, we had our first costume modeling session last night and it was pretty dead. It was a bummer that few people showed up, but our model, Dezeree, looked great, doesn’t she!? What a spunky girl! She is super into fashion and is studying Japanese to become an international airline attendant because she loves Japanese fashion and culture!!

Today we had the PNCA grad students in for Happy Hour and they were hooting and hollering and having a grand ol’ time! I am so jazzed to have their awesome creative energy here!!

Now I just need to keep pounding the pavement, internet and Portland media to get the word out. I know we have something great here, it just still needs to be discovered!!

So, all in all, we’re having a good time. We’re working hard. My feet and my back hurt like hell! On Monday, I made as much $$ in a day as I used to in an hour! But we’re pressing on. We know it will build slowly. We like how it feels to work hard. Viva The Canvas!!

So, I started the day off by freaking out about everything that I had to do in LESS THAN TWO WEEKS – and kicking myself in the butt for taking the day off on Saturday. What was I thinking? I started to combat the growing to-do list in my brain with a trip to IKEA at 10am.

At IKEA, I bought two additional wall brackets (after receiving my inventory shipments, I realized I need three sets of retail shelves, not two), and a bunch of plants to liven up the space, namely my new Money Trees, and a few other succulents and palms.

I also bought a bunch of stackable stools that will be used in the open space for people to pull out with an easel.

(These IKEA stools conserve space, are inexpensive and hold 200 lbs, so they’re safe — meeting all of my requirements!)

After IKEA, I went to the space to unload, grabbed lunch with Jacob at our neighbor’s, the Dockside Tavern, and then went to Cash & Carry to buy cleaning supplies and check stock and prices against my menu’s grocery list. (I’m planning to send these prices to Sysco and a few other delivery vendors to see if they can meet or beat them). I did find out that Cash & Carry does not have any cooked chicken breast, which I NEED for our delicious sun-dried tomato chicken salad with mesclun greens on balsamic drizzled sourdough. SO GOOD! NEED CHICKEN!

Then I went back to the space and started cleaning. We got a lot of our equipment used, so there was some heavy duty grease and grime cleaning to get through.

I also plugged in all of our refrigerators (3 so far, including the kegerator and sandwich unit – still need 1 more), and put thermometers inside. They all have to be cooling to 32-45 degrees Fahrenheit in order to pass our kitchen inspection!

After cleaning, I waited for Jacob to take a break from the bar to put the third set of wall brackets up for the shelves. Then I went through all the inventory! I realized that even though I’d purchased over $3,000 of inventory, which is supposed to give me free shipping, they charged me $60 for shipping because $300 worth of supplies were on back order. Not cool. Gotta call them tomorrow.

(Just a small sampling of what I pulled out from the boxes).

Around 8pm, we started getting hungry, so I ran up to Lucky Labrador, my other neighbor, and got a few slices of ‘za and two 22 ozs of Lucky Lab brew – wheat stout for me and IPA for Jacob. On my way back in to the space, I ran into a girl that rented studio space in the building right next to me. She said she was from the Pacific Northwest College of Art and there were 30 other graduate students working in that space as well! How did I not know that?

I was super psyched to hear this news. I told her about The Canvas briefly, but my hands were full of pizza and beer and I didn’t get to tell her the whole spiel. And I made a totally idiotic move when I told her the space “…isn’t for artists, it’s for everybody! A creative outlet…”  I have been kicking myself about that since. I’m so used to talking to non-artists about The Canvas in this language, that I carried it over to the audience that is probably more likely to use the space in the first place! Good grief. Lesson learned. Know your audience.

After pizza, I cleaned up a little more and then read an article about challenging the laws of Physics in one of the ‘zines I ordered for the space  - Discover. It was pretty interesting. I love that magazine!! (Ordered National Geographic and a bunch of art ‘zines as well).

Then I rooted Jacob on to finish the bar tonight, but then realized it wasn’t going to happen and put my compass on “home” around 10pm – blog in head!

Here is how far Jacob got with the bar today, though. It is looking awesome!! We are using 1.5″ thick pine with a live (bark) edge for the bar top. We set it up on the finished part of the brick and dimmed the lights to see how it would look (awesome)!!!

(All of the brick we’re using was salvaged from our original building, built in 1900!)

Oh, and I almost forgot one of the coolest parts of my day – because you know, I’m big into signs and “coincidences”… After I cleaned my office, I looked down at the floor right by where my desk goes, and what did I see, but:

AB – my initials! Not totally a miracle considering the alphabet is painted all over the floor (our space used to be the old Norm Thompson building and we suppose they used the alphabet as an inventory system in their warehouse), but still pretty cool all the same.

So I’m ending the day feeling a lot better than I did starting it. Tomorrow we’ll finish the bar, continue cleaning, hopefully get our Comcast hooked up (come onnnnn Comcast), talk to my beer rep at Columbia, do some more work on food inventory and check on the status of my various licenses from the city.

Now, bed.

]]> http://thecanvasartbar.wordpress.com/2010/03/29/last-day-of-march/feed/ 0 abernatchez Money Tree with Mannequin stools Cleaning Inventory IMG_1766 IMG_1759 IMG_1803 AB http://thecanvasartbar.wordpress.com/2010/03/24/keepin-it-real/ http://thecanvasartbar.wordpress.com/2010/03/24/keepin-it-real/#comments Wed, 24 Mar 2010 18:36:53 +0000 abernatchez http://thecanvasartbar.wordpress.com/?p=109 ]]> So, I’m kind of in an interesting predicament, because I’ve merged my “freedom from the man” blog with my public blog for The Canvas and now I’m at a crossroads of keeping up appearances for The Canvas and keepin’ it real!

People started reading this blog because they connected with the quest to find career fulfillment. I’ve had so many people sympathize about “soulless” jobs and lack of purpose. They hand me props for stepping out of that framework and paving my own path. And I’m proud of myself for taking this risk. But I have to admit, there are days when I think “this isn’t all it’s cracked up to be!”

It all started with an idea. That people needed to consume less and create more. That art could be more than something to look at — it could be something that people do together. It was a great idea. And now I look back and  wonder, what made me actually act on it? C’mon, people have great ideas every day! Nobody every does anything with them! Turning ideas into reality — now that’s A LOT of work!

What did I get myself into!?

A job applicant came in the other day and told me that there were two types of people: people who work to live, and people who live to work. If you work to live, you make the best of your boring 9 to 5 and take solace in the lifestyle it affords you. If you live to work, you choose a work atmosphere that makes you feel good, even if it doesn’t bring home the same bacon that your buddy with the jet skis makes.

I thought it was pretty cool that he identified at such a young age that he wanted to live to work, and that he thought The Canvas would provide that for him. I think it was the same belief system that set me out on this quest. It’s an ideology that you can get wrapped up in. And at times it can make you blind to the simple fact that at the end of the day, work is still work.

I think that the bridge between “idea” and “reality” is definitely the hardest part. My “reality” for The Canvas looks like smiling people, sunny days, color and movement; it smells like paints, perfumes and roasting vegetables; it sounds like laughter, music and passion; and it feels like we’re on the brink of something new and novel, every day, like synergy and progress…

But the road to get there looks like too many file folders with the tab on the right side, stacks of paperwork and spinny wheel on the macintosh; it smells like I might have forgotten to shower, or I didn’t get enough sleep; it sounds like the City of Portland, contractors, vendors and landlords; and it feels like I could have an anxiety attack at any moment!

Seventeen days to go and I am definitely feeling the pressure. Will my licenses come through in time? Will my kitchen inspection go smoothly? Will noise continue to be an issue in the building? Has my inventory arrived in full? Do those colors really “work”? Who’s the best candidate? Should I or shouldn’t I employ a friend? Which food vendors offer the best quality, at the most competitive price? Just how much is my time worth? How will opening day go?

It’s super hard not to stress. And a lot’s on the line. But I’m chugging through and I’m going to make this happen. Even if it does feel like “work” most days. So here’s to keepin’ it real and sharing the good, the bad and the ugly. Now that I’ve made it over that hump, I’ll try to write more! Believe me, it’s therapeutic. And what business owner isn’t in need of a good dose of therapy?

www.thecanvaspdx.com

Earth Safe Finishes is a brand of paints developed by a Santa Rosa, CA woman, Nancy Burkhart. Earth Safe Finishes are certified “green” by Eurofins US, meaning they have no toxins or volatile organic compounds (VOCs). That means they’re safe for people with chemical sensitivities, children, and our environment.

We’ll be using Earth Safe Finishes for our make-in-space acrylic package, in which customers can mix their own colors by applying red, blue, yellow or black colorants to a white or shimmer acrylic base. We’ll also be retailing the colorant kits and pre-mixed acrylic paints.

Clementine is a company out of Boulder, CO, that was designed for children by an elementary school teacher. Clementine challenged the idea that “non-toxic” was good enough for children, and developed their line with all natural ingredients, many of them found in your own kitchen!

We’ll be retailing Clementine’s all natural products including soy crayons, modeling dough, markers and glue! These products come in the cutest packaging and are certain to be a wonderful gift for the children in your life to explore creative expression!

The Canvas will be carrying a number of recycled and hemp sketchbooks and papers from suppliers like Bee Paper and Pentalic. Recycled colored scrapbook and parchment papers from Jam Paper. And we’ve also made an effort to carry products made from woodless, sustainable materials like cotton and bamboo wherever possible. Plus, our primary distributor, C2F, is headquartered right here in Beaverton, OR!

Our retail line will be relatively small compared to some of the big box giants, but we have taken a lot of time to hand-select these products for our customers, and we look forward to embracing customer feedback to expand our inventory! We’re super excited to be able to offer a number of fun, creative products while doing what we can to keep a small footprint and support eco-friendly and sustainable manufacturing.

So, since the last time you’ve heard from me, I signed my lease for the building space at 1800 NW Upshur St. Watched construction proceed at a painstakingly nonexistent rate. Got hired back at Agency X for a four months contract position (cha-ching). Had my second “last” day at the agency last Friday. And now I’m back in the full swing of Canvassing.

So, what does “full swing” entail?

First, the stuff I want to think about: inventory, art supply samples, interior design, paint colors, kitchen build-out, menu creation, bread samples from Grand Central Bakery, website design, learning Illustrator and Photoshop for POS, promotions, “opening day” preparations, screen printing shirts and aprons, staffing, entertainment, networking… About 3/4 on this list is a “check”!

Then there’s the stuff that I don’t want to think about, but is super key to the success of the business: POS or cash register system, internet/phone hook-up, Quickbooks accounting, payroll, licensing (business, liquor, kitchen), insurance. I’d say I’m about 1/2 way there on these items.

It’s ironic, because my vision of developing a creative outlet has become a new source of paperwork and project management — what I was trying to escape in the first place!  Ha!  Everything in balance though. I’ll smile my way through the POS demos and endless mail exchange with the City of Portland because I know what I’m working for and how great it will feel once I get there.

The things I have learned the past few months that I’d like to share with fellow entrepreneurs are:

1. Think twice about leasing a space in “shell” state. On the up-side, you get to design the space to your liking. On the downside, there’s lots of planning and expense involved in the space design, and most of all, construction takes forever – impacting your income and schedule most of all.  (I was supposed to have my space complete January 15. It’s no February 21 and completion is scheduled for March 14). So, know the ups and downs, but also know if I had to do it over again, I wouldn’t change a thing.
2. Keep focused on the end-result and don’t lose sight of your vision. Reread your business plan, remember why you wrote it. Keep a blog, read it, be inspired by what you wrote in the early phases! Make time to connect with like-minded people who share similar visions. It’s very easy to get overwhelmed with all the to-dos that go into planning for the business. When your passion, your joy, starts feeling like a job, it’s time to retrace your steps and remember how you got here!
3. The “limbo” stage can be hard to adjust to. When you’ve left your old job, but you haven’t opened your doors yet, or aren’t in your space yet, you may have trouble adjusting to the lack of structure in your schedule. You also may not literally have enough work to fill 8-9 hours a day. So, if you find yourself creating work for yourself  – shopping before you can buy something, researching things you don’t need, redoing your excel sheets — stop wasting your time! Enjoy the time while you have it and add structure to your day by allowing yourself time to exercise, read, eat healthy and do other things to keep your mind and body sharp.
4. Keep a list. Obviously, this is a no-brainer, but so many things will pop into your head on a daily basis that you really need to write them down — in one notebook! Speaking of which… I need to get on some list making!

This week I’ll be shopping/purchasing upholstery fabric and foam for the built-in seating units (Jacob and John finished building the structure today!). Doing a walk-through with the electrician to make sure everything gets put in the right place. Meeting with a POS vendor from Micros. Trying to find a good panini press. Sampling Portland Roasting coffee. Finalizing inventory spreadsheets so I’m ready to order first of March. Reviewing website designs. Visiting Rebuilding Center. Building the tables and buying paint!

Now I’m off to play some disc golf — hey, I’m self-employed! It’s one of the perks!

I’ve putzed around with the business name and logo and discovered “the Canvas, Art Bar & Bistro” has more market appeal than “Create Blank”. I’ve found my ideal location and lost it to an indecisive owner. I’m currently at war with a gelato shop over another location that I’m still convincing myself is right… And I’m resolved to a Grand Opening in February rather than the anticipated and much hoped for December 1 date. 

Now, here I am in Byron Bay, Australia, enjoying my holiday, but also instituting a daily ritual of surfing Craigslist posts for advertising positions. I’ve puffed out my LinkedIn feathers, sent 3 applications for part-time or contract management gigs, and while I’ve lined up freelance work at TNG, I can’t help but get excited at the potential of working at a creative, integrated and traditionally-rooted agency again.

I began this endeavor with the promise that “when one door closes, another one opens.” Now I find myself frantically twisting doorknobs to increase my chances. At least my reprieve has rested me up for the portent of workaholism. I surely can walk through multiple doors at the same time… Right?

I know the travel sounds crazy for someone who has just quit her job and is planning to pour all of her savings into a new business, but a) the trips were prepaid (from when I had income!!) and b) isn’t that the point of being self employed and living life to its fullest?

I can’t help but have a bit of guilt, though. After nearly a decade of deadlines, deliverables and dealing with corporate BS, I’m like a caged bird that’s almost forgotten how to fly! I just have to remind myself that I deserve this, and that after October 16, it’s likely I won’t be vacationing again anytime soon.

So, what have I done on the work front? 

Well, I’m a little bit in limbo until I finalize my lease. I’m hoping to have a signed contract by end of month. Until that’s complete and I have a storefront address, I can’t order any inventory or even receive the new catalogs from my art supplies distributor, I can’t renovate the space, buy furniture, make hires, etc. 

There are some things I could do, like start the website, start printing images for the image library, shop discount art books, talk to workshop facilitators… but I kind of want to be in the space to really get all of that going as well.

What I have done is: tested the store name via web survey (BTW, ‘easel living cafe’ won by a landslide but I’m feeling it’s a bit Martha Stewart, no?), engaged with an architect to confirm my kitchen build-out expectations, set up appointment to meet with plumber to get firm quote on kitchen build-out, bought new camera, received scaled floorplans and sketched several floorplan designs, and bought Accounting for Dummies (no I haven’t read it yet, I’m not that bored).

So I’m slowly inching along. I’m not worried though, this tends to be my nature. I need to feel the pressure, feel it’s real and then go full charge. My body probably knows I need the rest now to ramp up for all that’s coming down the pipeline. Still, it’s a little boring!

I’ve been in touch with my old agency for freelance gigs but they’re a bit slow right now. I’ve also been looking for renters/roommates to help with the financial situation. I’ve been thinking about doing some new business for Lettuce, but it’s difficult because I really only have 2 weeks before Australia and then once I’m back, I’ll be immersed in Create Blank! 

So I think I need to be content with being content right now, and understand that waiting is just a natural part of the game.

And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen, the moral of the story…

Now, a quick antidote related to the post title: “the universe”

So 2 days ago I set out to resurrect my blog and decided to update the “About” page. After all of the esoteric content that I’d written previously — “Create Blank is inspiration, Create Blank is a third-place, a home away from home…” I wrote, “Okay, seriously, WHAT THE HECK IS CREATE BLANK?” and then proceeded to provide a detailed description of the four service offerings, how they’re structured, promotional activities, you name it.

So then, all of a sudden, my hand twitched and hit the click pad, a double-twitch, and would you believe it, the mouse was hovering right over the “delete” button. It all happened so quickly and then I was left staring at the login page for wordpress. When I logged back in, the page was completely gone. 

Ughhhhh! It sucked so bad! The whole time I was writing, I was thinking how great all this content would be for the website, that I could pretty much use it verbatim… Even the esoteric part, it was a perfect mission statement! I was SO frustrated, devastated, drained… I spent an hour trying to recapture the content through every search engine’s cached web pages to no avail.

But then I started thinking, just about how it all happened… the random twitch, the perfect placement of the mouse. What the hell? Was the universe trying to tell me something? And so I’m resolved to think that yes, the universe was protecting me from publicizing all of my ‘trade secrets’ or something of that nature — this devastating disaster of technology happened for a reason.

Maybe it softens the blow to come up with this conclusion, and maybe there’s no meaning behind it at all. But I sure am happier thinking that things like this are wrapped up in some form of destiny, fate, what have you, however unfortunate and twisted it may feel at the time.

Positive thinking and faith. I think these will be key to keeping me moving forward and finding success. Remember, practices your virtues on the small speed bumps and you’ll be more prepared to apply then to the big hurdles you face as well.

Fortunately, that all will change one week from tomorrow!

I’ll kick off my freedom by meeting up with one of the commercial brokers that showed me some space I liked on Mississippi. It sounds like they’re having trouble leasing some of these new retail units, so I’m interested to hear what kinds of concessions can be made. 

A few days after I meet with her, I have a pre-planned trip to Victoria, BC with my moms, then I jet to Cabo for some 1:1 with my sis and then to Copper Mt. with Jacob, dad and Suzette for Labor Day. The Cabo thing was the only last minute trip. Reagan was planning on going with a friend that bailed so I swooped in. I’m hoping to cleanse and do some creative thinking on rental supply packaging, inventory and craft bundles. I’m hoping I don’t get swine flu because, hello, I don’t have insurance!

I paid the $23.95 for trip insurance which covers doctors visits, medical transportation and any catastrophic illness or injury, as long as it happens on the trip. I also need to get a general catastrophic policy for the next few months until I can afford better.

I’m still working out the part-time negotiations with my agency. It sounds like it’s going to be project-based. We’ll agree on an hourly rate which will probably be between $30-35 and then I’ll provide an hours estimate at the start of the project and bill to actual. Now when I work a 12-hour day I’ll actually get paid for it! 

I’ll see how long I can take the part-time gig before I go insane. A lot of kinks need to be worked out to make my agency and the proposal process less painless for all involved. I know a lot of my coworkers feel the same frustrations. So many of them are curious about what I’m doing with Create Blank and I wonder if I’ve awakened the entrepreneur within them as well!

It’s interesting that I’ve felt a lot closer to many of my coworkers in the past few weeks. I was frustrated for so long because I wasn’t working on many creative projects and just recently I’ve had a few that have allowed more integration with the creative department. Huh. Funny how things go.

After you resign, the last two weeks at the job are truly bizarre. It’s like a time warp. You’re in the present, but it’s like you’re in the past. You’re almost moving backwards. For a lot of people, I’m sure they wind down and head out. But the ad business just comes in waves and right now we’re riding a big one and I can’t just bail.

What’s crazy is that I still enjoy parts of it. It’s not like I’m totally fed up. I still have passion. It’s a little confusing, but it’s good because I must have realized at some point that my passion for advertising was at risk.

And so, I’m preserving it by putting a new spin on it. Advertising for my own business. Total autonomy. Creative license. Collaborating with people I believe in and whose instincts I trust. There’s nothing better than a good team. And there’s nothing better than knowing that I have the final say when it comes down to it. 

One week to go…

I had a great talk with my boss on Monday and we decided to part very amicably, with him offering to provide references and even a few contacts to help me with my business. He also said that the door was open for me to come back, which was a huge and unexpected comfort!

The next few days had me very involved in the QVC social community pitch. I was super jazzed about the whole thing and being very forthright with my creative ideas and my sense that this needed to be a ‘big idea’ presentation.

My agency tends to carry their own safety net, so to speak, by planning, planning, planning, until we box ourselves in on creative. I wrote a long email to my boss last night about this, and about how I thought we needed to put a stronger creative foot forward in order to compete against more traditional/creative ad agencies. I think he really valued my perspective.

My 15-paragraph email to him (I know — you’re used to it!!) also pitched the idea of me continuing to be engaged in a strictly internal new business function, as a person to manage, concept, organize and draft RFP responses. I had brought up the part-time idea previously, during the “lay off” meeting, to no avail since they couldn’t see an AM being unavailable to clients at certain parts of the day.

So, when I presented my role as an internal manager that would provide efficiencies in streamlining and systemizing the pitch process, including time savings, better accountability for internal resources and operating costs-savings by reduction of my compensation, I reconfigured my role as a remotely-operating behind-the-scenes resource.

And, based on our conversation today, there seems to be quite a bit of interest.

So my boss is sending out the staff email tomorrow, and while announcing that I’m off to pursue a retail concept, he will also share that I’ll still be around in a part-time biz dev role. The same announcement will be made to my clients. And my last official day is August 14th. 

Well, I jumped, I didn’t fall, and then I pulled in a safety net just in case. After all, what’s the harm in having a back-up plan? The most important lesson in this experience is: Don’t Burn Bridges! By keeping a positive outlook and being honest with my employer, I was able to figure out a win/win for both of us. Now, what’s better than that?

P.S. I was just talking to Bethany (a good friend that actually reads my blog!) the other day and she asked “Now when the hell are you going to tell us what Create Blank is?” And I realized, “Oh crap! I haven’t explained it yet?” So, I just want to let everyone know, that I know, that you don’t know, what the hell I’m talking about in regards to the Create Blank retail concept! And that I will soon be adding a Page with the concept details, and really look forward to hearing your feedback!

Peace out.

You remember the response from my employers after my lay off request. They were committed to providing a challenging work experience, giving me more account management responsibilities and further encouraging my strategic role at the agency…

Well you’d think that I’d imagined the whole thing after what happened on Thursday.

Long story short, after being super excited about a new business prospect (and leading most of the engagement with the prospect on the phone) I was cut out of all post-meeting communications in which the Director of Strategy and Creative Director planned to meet, brainstorm and craft a creative brief without me. And on top of that, someone made the ingenious decision for the whole team to communicate independently with the prospect versus streamlining communications through the AM – me. 

Apparently the whole thing was just a “blip,” as my boss described it, a combination of events that unfolded to deliver a huge slap in the face. First off, I had to leave the meeting with the prospect 15 minutes early due to being double-booked, which might have led to the communications decision and also provided an opportunity for the team to connect without me. Then, I guess the DS and CD had been waiting for an opportunity to collaborate together and this appeared to be it.

Either way, nothing about this situation was handled correctly. And the dysfunction of it all was only magnified by the fact that it was pretty much the exact opposite of everything I’d been promised on Monday!

So, skip back to when I find all of this out… I’d set up a “next steps” meeting, having had no idea that any of this had transpired in the last 20 hours. When it became awkwardly apparent that I had been stripped of all strategic and management contributions on this pitch that I was truly jazzed about, it was hard to conceal my distress. When they asked me to set up Basecamp, a project workflow tool, I could hardly contain myself, thinking “Are you serious? Is this all you need me for?”

After closing the meeting, I steadfastly reported back to my desk to commence the “what the fuck” email to my boss. I was about 3/4 of the way finished (after totally discarding the first draft because Zoe* said it was too emotional), when my boss called me in.

No holds barred, I told my boss how I was feeling. If my role was a Basecamp setter upper, then they were paying me way too much for the job. And, I reminded him again, I was not hired to be a PM. I was hired to be an AM, which in my past experience included a healthy dose of strategic and creative involvement. Notably, writing creative briefs. Brainstorming. Communicating with clients.

Oh, I was so mad. I left work a half hour early and met up with Zoe for sangria, then switched to sake at Bethany’s birthday dinner. While tipsy, I was proud to make it home by 10ish and settle down to have only a minor hangover the next morning. Good thing because what was planned for Friday but my agency “Fun Day”. Go-cart racing, boozing, schmoozing. Put on a happy face.

I was so ready to just skip it, but I knew that wouldn’t send the right message. So I had a long talk with my dad and put it all out there, how I was feeling so stifled by my job and how I just wanted to be happy and satisfied with my career. How I felt that everything was pointing me to do what I knew I had to do, and that ignoring it was like turning my back on destiny. And I felt like my dad finally understood. While he still wanted me to prepare as much as I possibly could while at my current job, I really feel that he got it. And that meant a lot.

So I grinned and bared it at “Fun Day” and actually really enjoyed myself. But now after being back at work on Monday, I’m right back where I left off.

I scheduled a meeting with my boss for Wednesday to “talk about my employment, as a follow up to our discussion last Monday.” Then he rescheduled it for Tuesday, so I’m going in to actually do this, to resign, tomorrow at 10am.

Holy shit. I am scared out of my gourd. I’ve never done anything like this before. But what I need to remember are the things that are important to me, and what I want out of life and work. At the end of my professional workshop (see “my shamanic journey“), I had the opportunity to review and circle all of the important and recurring words that had surfaced from the various exercises we did. 

Here are my words: problem-solving, connected, inspire, influence, beauty, nourish, sanctuary (a safe place, a physical building), build, ideas, peace, freedom, community. 

I have a vision and I have a plan. At a certain point, though, I can throw all that away if I don’t have faith. I need to step off that ledge to believe that I won’t fall down. Wish me luck.

* Zoe Phillips is my business partner on another entrepreneurial endeavor, Lettuce Advertising. Formed in September 2008, Lettuce is a full-service ad agency that has kept Zoe and I pretty busy for the past year (not to mention, helped me accumulate some start-up capital for Create Blank)! Unfortunately business has started to slow a bit, so if you have any leads, send ‘em to me – god knows I could use the work!